Crear? It's just a thought...todays thought

I cant say that I miss you
But i miss the essence of you, i miss what you were to me
It feels so selfish putting it in words
But i didn't have to prove myself to you, you just knew me
I miss being comfortable
Its such a contradiction in head, I don't trust you
But you made me feel safe in that disbelief
I was myself, you know?
I am still, in an agonizing sort of way
It's still me
Underneath this loathing strong bewildered apparent new self
Lies the most unforgiving, most hurt heart
Hurt for trying to be something I'm not now
Hurt from having to get to know who you really are
Hurt from deceiving those who worship my heart
And hurt,
Because lying beneath the parallelism of me
"Having what I've craved for so long"
There's a part of me- a remote one-
That still wonders where you are
That still wishes you would make me laugh